life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
