Just fell off a train. Bad.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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