Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Randomize
