So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Green mimosas i think yes
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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