I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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