I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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