this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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