i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
