since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
