SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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