btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
