mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I accidentally had phone sex last night
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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