Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
