i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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