so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
