All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
