the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
