The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
