I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
