glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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