I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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