I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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