dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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