I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
