There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
