Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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