there was a trapeze. enough said
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
