yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
