Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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