we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
