Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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