the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
