Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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