ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
