Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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