You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
