Christians are straight up FREAKS
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
