am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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