There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
