I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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