so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
