there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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