It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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