margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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