ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
