I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
