This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
