i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
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I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
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He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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