There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
