wanna go halves on a baby?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
