you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
