but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
