Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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