The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
