i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
