would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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