I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
