GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He has the fingertips of a God
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