i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
