I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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