she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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