just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
