I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
