u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
