it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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