I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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