she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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