I am in a vortex of obligation.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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