ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
