You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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